[Jenni] Size Matters

When I arrived here I signed a paper saying I wouldn't sue if I got trampled by an elephant or eaten by a lion. I was tempted not to sign, not because I wanted to sue Kenya but because I wanted to know what they would do to me if I didn't. Do they just hand me over to the lions then? So I signed it. Then the repeated warnings about the danger of the area. DO NOT WALK ALONE. EVER. I lived in New York City for eight years which is kind of like Kenya, but there's more tall buildings and Puerto Ricans, and when I had to walk home alone I would just get on my cell phone. However, out here a cell phone don't do jack, even if it is Orange (which FYI is the only line that works here. Don't get tricked into buying Safaricom or Zion!). So we went out our first afternoon and saw the danger: elephants. Lots and lots of elephants. F#$*ing incredible! When we came back home we were told that we needed guards to walk us to our rooms because they were 100 feet away. Cool dude! However, I had my own smaller problem that night.
I came to my bed to find an old insect friend waiting for me. I had thought I left her in Guatemala where we shared a bed. My head on my pillow, her head on my head. However, she followed me here and even managed to find her way under my mosquito net, which impressed me. I got rid of her, but then she sent her friends after me the next day who ambushed me from the ceiling in the bathroom as I tinkled. After screaming, jumping around, stripping down and shaking my clothes trying to get them out of wherever they had fallen between my legs, I noticed my friend in the toilet sitting smugly in the water. I tried to flush her down but she wouldn't have it. Eventually, I felt guilty and I got her out with a stick. I draw the line at sticking my hand in the toilet bowl. Especially for her. Maybe if it were someone important to me, like my boyfriend or my mother, but not my insect frenemy.
Anyway, there's really no point to all this except that out here I guess size matters. If you're a big elephant, you get your way. If you're a little roach visiting from Guatemala you get your way. But I'm just middle-sized so I'm flippin burgers for to these little bastards giving it to them their way. But this place is amazing, so I don't mind. I'm having way more fun than I thought I would.