Monday, January 16, 2012

Sports of Kenya: Birdball

  • 1 human
  • 1 bird

  • 1 bat, broom, or other swiping implement
  • 1 bird

The start of the game is signaled when the bird flies into your room and shits on your desk. This may be done in the absence of the human player; in that case, the first step upon discovery of the bird poop is to look for the bird. It is customary for the bird to be flying around near the roof, or perching on a support beam.

Once the presence of the bird is ascertained, the human player should procure an adequate swiping implement, possibly a broom or a long stick; this is referred to as the "bat". It is helpful for the bat to have a large head, as is the case with brooms.

In this asymmetric game, the bird's goal is to fly around the room for as long as possible; the bird player accrues points as time goes by, and may gain a bonus score by pooping everywhere. The human's goal is to drive the bird out of the room.

The game action plays out as follows: the bird flies around in circles close to the roof, while the human attempts to whack it with the bat. The game ends when the bird is driven out, at which point the human player gains twice as many points as the bird has accumulated so far, thus winning the game.

Take that, bird.

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